For years we at MMN have not considered soccer to be worth our attention, lacking the skill, grace, athleticism and entertainment value of canary tennis. However, with the current hiatus in the canary tennis schedule (and we sincerely hope the foolish and misguided protests about “canary welfare” are quickly dismissed) our correspondent reluctantly agreed to attend some random kids’ soccer game which Nick “Baboon-poo for Brains” Cecil was playing in.
As far as a sporting spectacle was concerned it confirmed everything that our correspondent expected – lots of random running about and shouting, obscure and meaningless rules, people getting excited over pointless things like the ball rolling into the net, no monkeys in sight and no humorous instances of canaries getting thrown onto the floor. However, the performance of the aforementioned “Cecil” made the afternoon not a complete waste of time. We can’t comment on whether he played well in the game but his absolute commitment to shithousery and winding up the opposition enlivened the event.
Time-wasting, showboating and abrasive at every turn Cecil was frequently applauded by spectators for making this otherwise dull event most entertaining, and even drew multiple gestures of approval from the referee (at least we assume “get on with it” implied wanting more of the time-wasting). We at MMN think that this is a definite path forward for soccer – forget about goals and calling fouls, and instead focus on awarding players who are most effective at annoying the crap out of their opponents!
Don’t know who that Cecil dude is, but right on! Although nothing beats canary tennis. Except a hug from Bob or better yet a group hug from Norbert and Bob.