Mischief Monkey News is happy to have our friend and Agony Aunt Annie return to offer advice and insights to your pressing concerns! Call 1-800-MNKY-HLP to talk to her.

First caller is from M from Flemington:

My so called “friend” is emotionally manipulative and tries to make me feel guilty every time I have some fun. How can I make him chill or at least distract him for a few minutes?

Well M, it is very possible that your friend has your best interests at heart and is just trying to help you onto the right path. Try listening to your friend’s concerns, and perhaps you can work out a compromise.

Here’s BB of Flemington:

Hi Ms. Annie … I am sorry to bother you but I am still not very good at flying and am worried everyone will laugh at me. What should I do?

Aww BB, there’s nothing to be worried about! Many young canaries have a hard time flying at first but I’m sure you’ll get there! All your friends will be very supportive and want to help, so just let them know.

I see M of Flemington is back:

I thought you were supposed to offer helpful advice! I know what he wants … “don’t drink whiskey, don’t do that, be nice to canaries, don’t drink beer” … I need suggestions about how to get him off my back, not “let’s all be friends” nonsense! I can get that from the canaries!!!

M – clearly you have strong feelings about this, but whiskey and beer aren’t good for monkeys and lead to the dreaded “one-day-flu”. Your friend appears to have your best interests at heart, so I suggest that you take a deep breath, sit back and think about what he is saying.

Next caller please:

Are you joking?!? One-day-flu has nothing to do with beer or whiskey or rum! You’re one of those “medical” types who thinks doctors and vets actually know something about …”

Oops … we seem to have got “accidentally” disconnected from that caller. Let’s hope the next caller is slightly less self-absorbed. 

Caller on line 5:

… and another thing: there’s no proof that drinking half a bottle of whiskey mixed with fermented banana juice has anything to do with hangovers! It’s the Canary Flu!!! When will you “medical” types wake up and …

Arrrggghhh!!! I quit! I just wanted some easy money to supplement my pension – I can’t take this anymore!!!